Awe Sookie!!

So since I have a moment I will fill you in!! I have returned to work, weighed this morning-317lbs!! I started at 380!!! Holy Shitake!!! The past week it has fell off!!!I usually wait until Mondays to weigh but screw it!!!63 lbs I have never loss more than 60 ever, although i have gained a LOT more than 60, but enough of that shitake!!!

I've had a few off scale victories already!!! Sitting in booths without the opposite person having to pull the booth closer to them!! YAY. My clothes are falling off of me, cannot wear anything I could wear a month ago!! I'll get over that part!I also feel like I can't explain. Its this overwhelming sense of accomplishment and peace that I've never had. I feel and see food sooo differently now. Its fuel, the way it was meant to be. Not a drug or something i could abuse when i had nothing else. Speaking of i have replaced my cravings for food with activity, just about anything. I now walk, clean or redecorate my house, play video games, anything! I don't even have cravings for food anymore, its weird, very weird. I'm NEVER hungry. I know when I'm supposed to eat because i feel weak. I usually eat about 4 to 6 times a day, very small meals!!

so now i have to run, booo

Wow its been a while since i've updated!! I feel so damn good!!

Wow, what a week!!

So, i ended up back in the hospital with a 104 temp, ouch!! I shit myself, i couldn't walk, i did not eat, it was horrible!! Yeah tell me again this is "the easy way "!!! I am very glad i feel better! That's an understatement!! I am very weak still. If i take the dogs out i have to rest before i can say go to the bathroom. Its weird!, Very weird.

I stayed in the hospital a week this time. ugh! Then of course i feel bad because a week is nothing!!! The last days of my mother's life she was in the hospital for 5 weeks. This has been extremely emotional for me and all I want is my mom. God I miss her. I've never been through anything like this without her. The last couple years of her life i took care of her and yes i complained because it was tough, now I'm on the other side while i watch my dear sister drop everything for me. I'm not use to somebody taking care of me!!!

Well on a lighter note I've lost some weight!! Started this journey on the pre-op diet at 380, went to the doc today weighed in at 334!!! yeah its crazy and mainly due to the hospital stay and that i was sick, very sick!! I'm not exactly proud of that per say but I'm just ready to be healthy!! That's my main thing!!! I just wanna live and breathe!! This is gonna be a long post because I'm also for my benefit gonna list some milestones, there's quite a few!!

Ok so in no particular order:

- being able to easily tie my shoes/or put shoes on that are not clogs

-not having to worry about fitting in the booth in a restaurant

-also not worrying about moving around places or having to map out in my head a route where i can fit around people

-being able to physically walk my dogs/they deserve that

-not always sitting in the front seat with friends because i may not fit in the backseat

-not having my friends to worry about my struggles

_movie theatre seats!!!! nuf said

-i want to have the energy again to plant flowers and climb a step ladder without the fear of collapsing

-being able to do the things to my house myself without the help of a man!!!

_there's so many more that i will add later!!!

coye

Feeling much better now! Still in pain but not near as bad. I had no idea the amount of pain i was gonna have! I'm sure that was a good thing.
I'm at my sister's house now. Kinda bored:( I'm really not used to just sitting around. I also miss working, yea I do!!

Having trouble getting all of my fluids and protein shakes in. Its really weird feeling. I also do not like the way ANYTHING taste!! Just water. I did have a dream last night that i was in a candy store, in the section of chocolate, the place was chocolate from floor to ceiling!! Te-he

So we're gonna take a little trip to Earthfare today to get some "goodies" for me, as i will be driving the motorized wheelchair!! I think we may even catch a matinee!!

Picking up my babies tomorrow from the pet lodge!!!!

Ok, well still in the hospital. Been a rough past couple days. Today has been much better. The pain medicine they were giving me was making me pretty much nonresponsive. So i had some fever, fluid in my chest, and i was still in a ton of pain.

“For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

Twas the night before surgery, chicken broth, veggie broth, and ice Gatorade galore!!! Magnesium Citrate is a really dirty whore!!!

Sorry, i had to do that!!! Wow, well its gonna happen. My parents would be proud of me. They would really be proud of my sister for taking care of me!!

This is just a new journey that i'm starting to live a better life, it may not be easier, but at least i'll be healthier and live longer!!

HOLY SHITAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok its umm Tuesday night and my surgery is next Monday!!! DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow!!! I'm soo freaking pumped!!! I think I could live on pickles!! That was random! oh well I'm just excited!

Howdy! One week tomorrow i will drastically change my life and intestines!!! Had a weird last fat Halloween. Decided to use my fatness...

I SERIOUSLY SUCK at this blogging thingy!!!! I"m good, hyper emotional. But not "emo" 3 weeks away!! Lord have mercy!! My sister is going to shoot me before if i don't simmer down!!

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE A SURGERY DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOVEMBER 9th!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He-he!

I'm too flipping exited to just sit here and write stuff.

Introduction

So I've wanted to do this for quite some time now. I plan on just using this blog as a way for me to express myself and for others to understand a side of me that is usually hidden.

People who have known me for quite a while know that i have been fat for most of my childhood and all of my adult life. It's just who I am. It's a part of me, my personality. I never really understood when i was younger why i was fat. Of course i got picked on but not by most people I knew. Usually just random people being quick to judge me. Its funny because that hasn't changed at all. It has been a terrible struggle.

I have been on numerous diets and everything you can imagine!! I've lost hundreds and gained hundreds. I researched years ago gastric bypass surgery. I went to my first seminar back in 2004 before my heaviest now. Things just didn't go smoothly. Insurance denials and I just didn't think I was ready to take that step. After events that have taken place in the past few years, I turned to food for comfort.

Last November i went to another seminar. I followed through this time having all the pre-op studies, which must I say are like going through HELL!! I had a sleep study,a lung function test, a echo cardiogram, EKG, ultrasound of the veins in my legs, a psychological exam, and blood work galore. I also changed surgeons in the process. The new surgeon has a weight management center with Behavioral Counselors, Exercise Counselors, Nutritionists...everything. I've taken required nutrition classes and they even test you! When i took my test there was a man that had failed from the previous testing. So i believe i chose the right surgeon and center. I thought i knew everything about this process but I'm still learning.

I honestly know in my heart without a doubt that this will save my life. I know the risks of this procedure, and the risk of continuing at the weight i am. I want to live . Its a TOOL that will help me . That's my choice. I want to see blue water, get on a plane again, wear cute shoes, not give out of breath, i want to feel wind on my face from running, i wanna do my job without being in so much pain, i want to touch my toes, i want to sit in a plastic lawn chair without the fear of it collapsing, i don't want to take high blood pressure meds, or beta-blockers, or fluid pills, ok i know i just went on an emotional rant but that's just a few .

Well I see the surgeon Friday. I will walk out of his office with a date! Yay!



Coye